Dr. Jenn's TEDx Talk on Sexual Shame

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What I'm Reading
  • The Sex Myth: The Gap Between Our Fantasies and Reality
    The Sex Myth: The Gap Between Our Fantasies and Reality
    by Rachel Hills
  • The Surrender Experiment: My Journey into Life's Perfection
    The Surrender Experiment: My Journey into Life's Perfection
    by Michael A. Singer

Entries in sex sociologist (65)


21 Secrets to True Sex Satisfaction

There are many ways to sexually please a woman. And all women are different. Nonetheless, when the sex editor at Men's Health Magazine came to me and asked for my top tips for pleasing a woman, I offered a few suggestions that I hoped their male readers would add to their sexual tool belts. Check out my suggestions below, listed as #1, #6, and #20.


 ~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker


Inspirational Quote

So much around sex, sexuality, and intimacy is shrouded in shame, fear, and disconnect, which means that all the heaviness we've learned becomes the weakest parts of ourselves. Self-consciousness? Anxiety? Insecurity? Jealousy? Our sex lives are often driven by our weakest parts. What does that say about the sex lives of Americans?!

This is not an easy path to choose, nor easy to understand and do, but the journey is worth it!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist, Public Speaker, Sex Sociologist


Two Questions to Ask...When You've Pissed Off Your Partner But Don't Know Why!

You’ve probably experienced this before—you’re having a regular, nice, normal conversation with your partner, and suddenly they are pissed off at you. Or, your partner is already unhappy about something unrelated to you, so you’re talking to them and offering support. But without warning, you now see anger on their face that is directed at you. What happened?!

In any relationship, and especially early in a relationship, you can’t necessarily predict what is going to trigger your partner’s insecurities or patterns, and how they are going to interpret something that otherwise seems benign to you. And when they react with hurt or anger, it may leave you flustered, confused, and defensive. But instead of being reactive, try nicely asking these two questions:

1. What could I have done or said differently?

2. Why is this important to you (or what does this mean to you)?

Asking questions like this is helpful because it’s a total pattern-interrupt for both of you. You have the opportunity do something different, stay present in the moment, and both bring some structure and rationale to an emotionally triggered situation. Then, by asking what you could have done differently, you get the opportunity to get into the head of your partner, and find out what he/she needed in that moment or was expecting. This also makes your partner take responsibility for coming up with a potential solution, instead of just being pissed off. The second question gets to the heart of why your partner was triggered. Did they think you were talking down to them? Trying to “fix” the situation? Implying they were stupid? Or that you didn’t care about them? Listen carefully when they share their interpretation and meaning of that interaction, and don’t rush to defend your actions. And then apologize.

Hopefully, by allowing your partner to speak their truth in that moment and listening with genuine interest instead of defensiveness, they feel heard and understood. And you can now gently share about your thoughts and intentions, and come to a better understanding as a couple overall. I suggest sharing these questions with your partner so that you can both use these as a tool to work through conflict and stay powerful as a team.


Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexologist | Sociologist | Sexuality Speaker


Cheating Vs. Open Relationships

With the recent hacking of private information on the Ashley Madison extramarital affair dating site, I think it's important to ask why we place monogamy in such high regard, yet have such high rates of cheating? I discussed the topics of non-monogamy, open relationships, boundaries, communication, and what's possible on San Diego Living with Marc Bailey. I'm so happy I was able to at least scratch the surface of this controversial topic on the morning news!

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, Sexologist, Sociologist, Sexuality Speaker


Summer Lovin' - Quick Guide to Summer Romance

Summer loving had me a blast,
Summer loving happened so fast,
I met a girl crazy for me,
Met a boy cute as can be...

What is it about summer time that seems to make us feel more romantic? San Diego Living (Ch. 6) brought me in to discuss this as we launch into summer time. Is it the warmer days? Longer daylight? Less clothing? Nostalgic feelings? All of the above! I also share some tips about harnassing the sensual feeling of summer to ignite your summer romance.

~Dr. Jenn Gunsaullus, San Diego Sexuality Speaker, Sexologist, & Sociologist